


Maybe This Time

by Caliax



Category: Wicked RPF
Genre: F/F, Tonys AU, Tonys Fic, chenzel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:17:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caliax/pseuds/Caliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over a decade after their bitter parting, Kristin and Idina unknowingly accept an invitation to host the Tonys...with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction.

Kristin doesn’t mean to blow off her agent, but it’s the end of a two-show day and she wants to know what Khloe did to piss off Kim. So when her agent Tory calls and tells her that they want her to host the Tonys, she quickly tells her yes and ends the call before her impending reality-TV coma can be disrupted.

By 1AM, the Kardashians have almost completely erased the conversation from her memory.

* * *

 

“Miss Chenoweth we’re so pleased you decided to host this year! You were amazing in Wicked, and I’m rooting for you this year!” Leslie exclaimed. Leslie was the assistant currently walking her to what she presumed would be the chairman’s office. She had this enraptured glow about her. Kristin supposed that it was the exuberant glow of youth, charmed by the bright lights of Broadway.

“Oh thank you so much!” Kristin replied. She gave a smile, tilting her lips just so, the smile crinkling her eyes slightly.  Kristin looked around her, seeing framed posters of Broadway’s finest. She smiled faintly, admiring the original Rogers & Hammerstein posters, the Sondheims, the Comden & Greens. Too many to count, each personalized with the signatures of the original cast. How many greats had walked these halls? How many of them had known they’d be here, immortalized on these walls, today?

And where would she be?

“Miss Chenoweth, we’re here.” Leslie’s voice shook her from her reverie. She glanced around, noticing that they had indeed arrived.

Leslie knocked on the door before opening it, announcing that she was here.

Kristin walked in to the glamorous office. It had a stunning view of Manhattan, a massive window overlooking the towering metropolis.  A massive mahogany cabinet took up the entire left wall, displaying records and photos of significant Broadway events. A vintage 1950s phonograph sat in the corner, kept in pristine condition. A large desk, mahogany to match the cabinet, was adorned with more photographs, as well as a large computer monitor and several folders. Two luxurious leather seats had been placed in front of it, the leather black to match the large leather chair behind the desk. More Broadway posters decorated the walls, these particular ones personalized to the chairman himself.

The chairman was standing with two other men, the three of them facing the window.

But Kristin barely noticed any of this. Because, standing to the right in all her chiseled cheeked glory, was Idina.

She wore a black romper with gold detailing. It accentuated her bust, exposing tanned skin in ways that Kristin definitely wasn’t noticing. Dark gold waves beautifully framed her face. But other than the tan, and the hair, she was exactly as Kristin remembered. Perhaps another wrinkle at the corners of her eyes, but still heartbreakingly beautiful. Kristin looked at her face, but couldn’t read the expression she found. After Idina had recovered from her shock, she’d schooled her face into a neutral expression. _I used to be able to read every thought._

Everyone in the room was looking at her now. The three men had turned, and Idina hadn’t taken her eyes off her. Kristin squirmed self-consciously under their gaze, smoothing down her blue blouse and nervously combing her hair back. She was glad that she’d worn 4 inch heels today, allowing her to at least meet Idina’s eyes. For an infinitesimal moment, no one spoke. Time stopped briefly, until the abrupt sound of Leslie shutting the door punctured the silence.

“Uhm, hi. And hi.” Kristin uttered shyly, turning her head to look at the three men, then back at Idina.

“Kristin, I’m so glad you could join us this morning. Please, please, take a seat.” Chairman Jeremy Bachman responded. “I trust you know Miss Menzel here?” he finished with a laugh. Kristin sat down, with Idina gingerly joining her.

“Yes it’s great to be here. Dee, it’s good to see you. But I’m sorry I thought I was here to talk about the Tony hosting gig?” Kristin allowed instinct and habit to take over, feeling her smile fall in place. At the last sentence, Idina stiffened, somehow becoming tenser than she already was.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you – both of you – about. You see, you and Idina are going to co-host this year! Fans love you two together, and I think it’s an inspired idea.” The chairman said.

“I –”

“I –”

Kristin and Idina both stuttered at the same time. They turned to look at each other, faint blushes on their faces.

“Go ahead.” Idina muttered softly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I would be presenting with a co-host.” Kristin said.

“Oh? Your agent, Tory, told me that you would be thrilled with cohosting.” The chairman said with a perplexed expression.

 _Damn it Tory._ “Oh sorry it must have slipped my mind!” Kristin laughed, somewhat forcefully.

“Are you two alright with co-hosting? The fans would love it, you know how much they loved Wicked. Leslie couldn’t stop gushing about it when she found it.”

Kristin looked at Idina again, desperately praying that she would be able to read her expression. She found Idina looking back, her face still indecipherable. Seconds ticked by, the three men looking at them with expectant faces.

When the two women still hadn’t responded, the chairman said, “Is something wrong? I thought you two would jump at the opportunity to work together again.”

The two shared another look.

“Okay.” They said in unison, their hesitation only noticeable to each other.

* * *

 

“So…hey. Thanks for meeting me.” Idina said. She’d called a couple days after the meeting in Bachman’s office, asking to meet. She wore red – _tight_ – pants with a loose black blouse. They were meeting in a hole-in-the-wall café, just off the theatre district. Kristin wondered if Idina remembered that they’d been here before.

“Of course! I had time before the evening show so...” Kristin’s voice trailed off. Idina was looking at her with that penetrating gaze, and damn it if it wasn’t all sorts of distracting.

“I’m glad you could make time in your busy schedule.” Idina’s voice wasn’t exactly accusatory, but there was a flinty hardness. _Thanks to you._

“Yes…well…uhm, what did you want?”

“Did you know?”

“Sweetie, I –”

“Don’t call me that.” Idina stopped her. She turned away, looking at the warped remnants of the leaf the barista had poured. “You gave up that right.”

“I – I’m sorry.” Kristin softly replied. “I didn’t know about the co-hosting thing…I promise.”

“Okay.”

A pregnant pause. Kristin didn’t dare to break it. Thankfully, Idina did.

“…We should think about what we’re going to do. For the Tonys.”

“Yeah.”

“They’re going to want us to do something from Wicked.” Idina said.

“Yeah. I was thinking…we could adapt ‘What Is This Feeling?’”

At this, Idina gave out a short laugh. “What, ‘ _there’s been some confusion over the hosting this year?’”_

“Well…yeah.” Kristin replied. She didn’t know how to respond to this Idina, didn’t know where the lines were.

“Ha, well isn’t that just fucking hilarious.”

“You could be nicer about this you know.”

“Well sorry if I don’t find our situation funny. Sorry if I’m still a bit pissed off at you for leaving, me, alone.” Idina vehemently stated.

“You weren’t alone, you had Taye to fall back to if it all failed. I would’ve been killed by reporters, by my fans, by my family!” Kristin angrily responded.

“God dammit Kristin I was willing to leave it all. Don’t you see? I didn’t care. I didn’t care about Taye, or my fucking career. I would’ve left it. For you.” Idina finished softly, her anger spent.

“I…I couldn’t. I…I just couldn’t.” Kristin was quiet now too.

A hush settled over the two of them. Idina had a white knuckled grip on her coffee cup. Kristin carefully studied the dregs of her tea. It seemed as if it would be fitting if the world would stop turning, so they could be left alone with their thoughts. But the world didn’t care. Baristas still called out orders, the busy street traffic could still be heard, and the dispassionate sun continued shining through the window. The world didn’t care.

“What are we going to do?” Kristin barely broke the silence.

Idina didn’t bother looking up before responding, “We do the damn song, write a couple lines, and then we don’t have to see each other again.” Her voice was bitter, but not harsh. It almost sounded sad. At least that’s what Kristin hoped it was.

“Okay…I’ll see you next week then?” Kristin stood up to leave. She didn’t know where she would go, but anywhere would be better than here.

Idina barely nodded in response.

* * *

 

Kristin found herself in front of her apartment building, apparently having taken a cab home. Mumbling a greeting to the doorman, she managed to keep herself upright during the elevator ride and drag herself to her door before collapsing on her couch.

Realizing that she was supposed to be onstage in several hours, she dug out her phone and called in sick. To be fair, she had actually been sick for a couple days. But today’s argument with Idina had left her drained. Her mind spiraled in ever deepening circles, gleefully reminding her of just how badly she’d hurt Idina. How she’d promised Idina the world, and left as soon as the consequences became real.

They’d been so happy. Unashamed flirting during rehearsal. Sipping wine in San Francisco during tryouts. Sneaking into each other’s hotel rooms. Dancing together at the opening party. Daring makeout sessions with 10 minutes before curtain. Looking back, it had been a blissful haze, months of incredible euphoria.

Then it had all come crashing down. Idina had said she’d leave Taye. And she’d meant it. She’d said she didn’t care what the rest of the world thought. But Kristin had. God, she still did. Her career would have been finished. She would’ve been the ‘other woman’. The ‘homewrecker’. They would have talked about how she was ‘in the closet’ the whole time. Why she’d never had a long relationship with any men. Her fanbase would have killed her. It was one thing to support gay rights, but being a…lesbian…that was a whole other monster. And her family…Jesus she still didn’t know what her family thought of homosexuals.

Idina hadn’t known all this. Not then anyway. Kristin couldn’t think of a way to tell her that she was worried about public opinion and her career. So she hadn’t. She’d simply nodded along, letting them exist in their bubble. It worked, for a little while. Until Taye had found out. Kristin never knew how he knew, she’d never asked. But he’d found out, and Idina had been forced to choose.

Decisions are interesting. You think that, when you choose someone, that’s the end of it. But decisions are two way. Idina had chosen Kristin. Kristin hadn’t chosen her back.

Kristin ran. She quit the show, running to L.A. They’d talked, and cried, and Idina had begged, but Kristin left all the same.

The next ten years were defined by bitterness and silence. When prompted, neither bothered to feign the ‘friends’ act. _‘We have different work styles’_ became le phrase du jour. The occasional twitter message placated fans.

The ringing of Kristin’s phone jolted her from her troubling reminiscences. Scrambling, she saw it was a text from Peter hoping that she got better soon. She fired back a reply, thanking him for his concern. Deciding to waste the rest of the evening away, she put out food for Maddie before grabbing the seldom used bottle of Ambien.

* * *

 

Waking up from sleep medication is a unique experience known only to the sleep deprived. One would think that, after sleeping for over eight hours, one would be refreshed, and ready to start the day anew. One would be wrong. Sleeping pills create a fog behind your eyes, filling the very physical space in your head with wool. Waking up from sleep medication is like that scene from Finding Nemo, where Marlin and Dory come out of the current and find themselves in the great empty ocean, lost and unfocused.

Or at least that’s how Kristin had always felt. She crawled through the haze of her room, fighting the molasses that seemed infused in her body.  Judging by the vague sounds of birds chirping, it was roughly five in the morning, meaning that she’d passed out around seven or eight last night. In the background, the television could still be heard, softly playing an infomercial for some blender. The dull gnawing at her stomach reminded her that she hadn’t eaten last night, so she went into her kitchen to prepare breakfast.

After finishing her simple oatmeal breakfast, Kristin sat down with her computer with a cup of tea. After making her presence known on social media, she decided to check her e-mail.

The colour drained from her face as she saw an e-mail from the executive producer of the Tonys, dated to yesterday.

_Hey Kristin,_

_Just a reminder that you and Idina will be on tomorrow morning to announce that you’ll be hosting._

_Best Regards,_

_Glenn Weiss_

She vaguely recalled him being present at the initial meeting with the chairman and Idina. She even less vaguely recalled him throwing out a couple important dates, this being one of them.

She wasn’t prepared to face Idina. How could she smile, and talk, and _touch_ her, like nothing had happened? As if the past decade had simply been the work of a cruel demon? As if Idina hadn’t so justly torn her asunder just twelve hours ago. It was one thing to fake happiness, and even distant friendship, but it was a whole other to pretend at genuine affection.

And people would be watching. It wouldn’t be a couple executives in an office overlooking Manhattan, or a tiny café with only several patrons. There would be cameras, cameras that sought to expose them for the world to see.

Perhaps the most pressing question of all however, was this. How would Idina act? She had never been one for avoiding conflict, but Kristin wasn’t quite sure she knew her anymore.

Despite her burning doubt, and the flight instinct telling her to run as far as she could, Kristin knew there wasn’t an easy way out of this. So, Kristin put on her mask, donned her battle armour, and headed out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the first chapter! If you enjoyed it, please don't hesitate to let me know! I would love to talk to you! 
> 
> Special thanks to voidstuff/behindthec for being incredibly supportive and helping me with this story. She's brilliant and you should check out her writing if for some reason you haven't already :)


	2. Chapter 2

Radio City Music Hall is breathtaking. It truly is deserving of the title _Showplace of the Nation._ The neon lights and art deco design absolutely personified American art itself, distinguishing it from the more classical offerings in the city. It had been, and would continue to be, the home of many brilliant performances and premieres. Ella Fitzgerald, Liberace, BB King, Sinatra…all of them had performed on that grandiose stage. Kristin remembered performing there herself, at previous Tonys. Kristin always thought it was breathtaking to perform for thousands of the finest artists in the craft and be recognized as a peer. The attention, the validation…it almost made her sacrifices worth it.

She arrived in the lobby, where a photo area had been set up to film the announcement. Cameramen and executives alike milled about. Included among the small crowd was Glenn Weiss, and beside him stood Idina. The sight of her still never failed to make her heart skip a beat. She was wearing black again, this time in the form of a tight-fitting shirt with a translucent lace panel under the collar. This was paired with a white springy skirt that ended slightly above the knee. She didn’t look angry, just a little bit bored perhaps. But then again, she hadn’t noticed Kristin had arrived.

Kristin decided to make herself known. She painted a wide smile on her face and approached the duo.

“Hi Glenn! I’m so excited to be doing this!” She exclaimed.

“Oh hello Kristin, we’re very pleased that you two decided to accept our offer.” Glenn replied smoothly.

It was then that Kristin glanced over at Idina. Her eyes were stormy, but her face betrayed none of those emotions.

“Hey why don’t I leave you two to talk, and I’ll let you know when we’re ready for you.” Glenn said after noticing the slight pause, moving to speak with a pair of men by the set.

For a brief moment, they just looked at each other, awkwardly. It seemed unfathomable that they would become this, after being so close. From intangible friendship, to definite lovers, to jilted strangers.

“So we should probably get our story straight.” Idina broke the silence.

“Yeah. The ole’ ‘We’re very busy but we’re so glad that we have this opportunity to work together?’” Kristin fought to keep her voice neutral, and casual. If Idina was ignoring last night, than dammit so would she.

“Yeah. So that’s it then?” Idina said.

Kristin gritted her teeth. How could she so callously sweep everything under the rug like this? But fine, if she wanted to be cold and distant than that’s what they would be.

“Yeah, that’s it.” And with that, Kristin walked to the set to wait in silence.

Thankfully, she did not have to wait long as Glenn soon called them over to begin.

“So first, we’re going to do a couple pictures of you two alone, and then a couple pictures together.” Glenn instructed. “Kristin, how about you go first?”

Kristin walked up to the set. She was given a large cardboard sign with the words ‘Tonys 2015’ to hold. It was almost natural to put a smile on her face. She genuinely did want to do this; the theatre community had been tremendously kind to her and she wanted to have a hand in crafting the biggest celebration of it. So she posed, and tilted the sign excitedly, and smiled, and almost believed that this was perfectly natural.

After she finished, Kristin handed the sign to Idina. Idina was slightly more subdued, as was expected of her. But she still posed so damn elegantly, with her hips cocked to one side and her legs slightly crossed at the ankle and dammit if Kristin didn’t find that still a little bit attractive. The attraction angered her, frustrated her, because it wasn’t fair that Idina still held this sway on her. Kristin almost felt as if Idina was doing this on purpose, but didn’t dare let herself actually believe it.

When the single shots were over, Kristin walked up to join Idina for their joint shots. Outwardly, Kristin showed no hesitation but the lump in her throat spoke otherwise. Still, she wrapped her arm snugly around Idina’s waist, as if this was natural to them, as if this hadn’t been the first time they’d touched in years, as if they cared about each other. Idina returned the gesture, putting her hand on Kristin’s waist. It wasn’t electric, there weren’t sparks, and no angelic baby shot heart-shaped arrows into them. But there was _something_ , perhaps. Lovers, be they former or present, always have a way of knowing a certain way to touch. This wasn’t incendiary, but…familiar. Idina’s hand had been there before, Kristin had been held by her like this before. For Kristin, it was comforting to know that she had not ruined at least this. It was still there, the magnetism that drew them together, if just barely.

Kristin smiled, letting herself imagine that this was completely normal. She let herself briefly absorb the moment. Idina’s warm hand, her soft body, her intoxicating scent. Her perfume was still the L’Occitane Citrus Verbena that she’d been using since her mom gave it to her as a present after RENT opened, and she was still using that expensive Aesop stuff. The moment was fleeting, as they separated once the poses were finished.

Kristin let herself breathe before they shot the announcement itself. It was easy to fake a photo; the camera doesn’t catch the miniscule trembling of your hands, or the slightly too perfect smile. Much harder was telling the world you were thrilled to work with someone who you’d hurt terribly in the past.

“Perfect ladies, now let’s move on to the announcement? Just tell the camera that you’ll be hosting together, and, well, you know the shtick.” Glenn called out.

After the two women nodded, the camera man counted, “And 3…2…1.”

“Hi I’m Idina Menzel!”

“And I’m Kristin Chenoweth!”

“And we’re thrilled to announce that we’re going to be your hosts for the 2015 Tonys!”

Here they took a pause, looking at each other to see who would continue. In the telepathic way that only lovers possessed, they wordlessly decided in a split second that both of them should do it.

“So tune in June 7th for the 2015 Tony Awards on CBS!”

“It’s going to be wicked!” Kristin finished. At this Idina comically rolled her eyes for the camera. But perhaps the obligatory reference had drawn something genuine.

Afterwards, Glenn came over and told them that the announcement would be up in several hours. He reminded them of their meeting in a couple days and took his leave.

Kristin looked over at Idina, trying to gauge her mood. She found her looking right back. Shooting this had been…nice. Fun even. The question was whether or not it was simply nostalgia. And if it wasn’t, what was it?

“I’ve gotta meet someone for lunch…so I’m going to go now.” Idina said. Her voice was neutral, but not cold.

“Okay. See you Monday.”

And with that, the two parted ways once more.

* * *

 

The next several days passed in a daze. Kristin had the unique gift of being able to dive into her work, so much so that the rest of the world simply faded away. The physically demanding nature of the show was a blessing, as the preparation it required left room for little else. In the morning, she got up, ate breakfast, went to the theatre and warmed up, ate lunch, did the matinee, ate a snack, warmed up again, did the evening show, ate a small dinner, and went to bed. It seemed as if she was eating all the time, but it was necessary. She enjoyed the physicality. The sore muscles could be treated as accomplishment in a way.

The announcement had made quite the splash in the theatre community, but Kristin barely noticed in the single minded focus that she threw into her work. 

By the time Kristin walked up the stage and bowed to the standing audience on the Sunday matinee she was exhausted. The exhaustion itself was depressing in a way. She remembered when she was young – or younger anyway – when she would go out with cast members after the evening show and drink and laugh the night away. Now, they said their goodbyes at five, stage doored for twenty minutes, hopped into their respective cars and went home.

They were going home to their families; Peter had children and Andy was married. She was going home to her beloved Maddie and an apartment with too much empty space. She preferred it this way. At least that’s what she told herself. Even when she was with someone, it was like this. They weren’t right, or they were boring, or she didn’t like them enough. One could always find a reason if one tried hard enough. The reality was that she wasn’t quite sure why she pushed them away. She’d broken up with her fiancé when she’d moved to New York, she’d broken up with Mark, another fiancé, several years later, and she’d had an on-again, off again relationship with Aaron. There had always been a reason with those men. She’d left the first guy to pursue her dreams, she and Mark had broken up when it was clear they were better off as friends, and Aaron had occasionally drove her insane.

But they could have been right, maybe. Maybe they didn’t give her everything, and they didn’t make her heart soar, but maybe she didn’t need that. She’d been happy, to a degree at least. Perhaps that was enough. At the very least, it must be better than sitting alone in her apartment, stroking Maddie’s fur, on an early Sunday evening.

A certain nausea always took her in times like this. Not in the physical sense. Rather, the world bled away, making her acutely aware of her loneliness. It was difficult to ignore everything with a smile and laugh when there was no one to act to. Kristin wanted to believe – no, believed – that God was here, somehow. But he wasn’t here right now. There was no comfort to be found in her apartment except for Maddie’s soft cuddles.

In times like these everyone has their vices. For Kristin it used to be the Ambien, but now she saved those for the truly sleepless nights. Instead, she went to her fridge. There was a bottle of white in there that someone had probably given her as a gift. Kristin retrieved it and grabbed a wine opener. After some effort, it uncorked with a gentle pop. Kristin had the mindset to grab a wine glass before retreating to her room and turning on the TV.

* * *

 

Monday mornings for a Broadway actress are beautiful. It was heavenly to wake up and remember that there was not a matinee scheduled. At least, that’s what would happen had one not emptied a 750 ml bottle of wine into a 90 pound frame and slept on it.

Kristin managed to hobble to her sink and fill herself a glass of water. Thankfully the blinds were closed, and she managed to avoid being attacked by the offensive morning light. After popping two aspirin, Kristin began nibbling at an apple that would serve as breakfast.

She was meeting the Tonys team today, to brainstorm. Hopefully the hangover would pass by then, though she doubted her body would cooperate. She cursed alcohol, already regretting the decision. Hangover notwithstanding, she was supposed to be taking care of her voice and alcohol was off-limits. Still, last evening’s wine and reality TV had left her comfortably numb. No thoughts, no worries…just nothing. _Like Hakuna Matata for the sad and lonely._ Giving herself a deprecating laugh, she trudged off to get ready for the day.

She was an expert at this now, covering the tracks. Flawless application of make-up hid the baggy eyes. Aspirin hid the still-pounding headache. Sunglasses could be excused by the light outside. She wore a dark blue dress today, cinched at the waist and ending above the knee. Black pumps would help draw attention away.

The façade was in place, which meant she was ready to leave.

-

This time they were meeting in a boardroom, burrowed away in the bowels of the _Showplace of the Nation_. It felt that her life now was spent doing Tony things, or working on the show, or preparing for the show. How did people grind through life like this? The day to day, the routine, the sheer monotony of it all…it was terrifying to Kristin.

There were writers seated at the table, and producers. Idina hadn’t arrived yet, but Kristin knew that she dropped off Walker at school in the mornings. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, if she had someone to love and take care of. But then maybe she wouldn’t be any good at it.

After 15 more minutes of making mindless conversation, Idina arrived in a huff, obviously rushing to get here after dropping off Walker. Her hair was frazzled, haphazardly piled on top of her head, and her skin was slightly flushed from her haste.

“Sorry I’m late!” Idina apologized.

“Not a problem, we didn’t wait long.” Glenn said. He introduced the writing staff that would be working with them on their lines.

And with that, they set down to work.

* * *

 

The American Theatre Wing worked quickly. As soon as Kristin and Idina told them that they had a song idea in mind, a composer and several musicians arrived within twenty minutes in order to begin setting it to music. The group of them went into a soundproof rehearsal room fit with a grand piano and an assortment of instruments.

“So…you want to adapt ‘What Is This Feeling’…but as Maureen and Mildred Plotka?” The composer, Andy Hale queried. He was portly and middle aged, but quite jovial and excited to be working with the two of them.

“Yes, our theme is how theatre unites even the most different of souls.” Kristin replied. She was professional, but not cold. Despite the difficulties with Idina, Kristin was determined to make this perfect.

“That’s beautiful. How were you thinking the entrance would go?”

“I would enter as Maureen on the motorbike, and Kristin would run up on stage as Mildred Plotka.” Idina answered. Her voice was infuriatingly neutral; uninterpretable by Kristin.

“Oh! How about we swap the entrance music so that you enter to Mildred’s music and Kristin enters to Maureen’s?” Andy suggested.

Kristin and Idina shared a glance, immediately understanding their mutual agreement. After they told Andy, he began to play the melodies on the piano. The musicians followed along, creating a fittingly quirky score to capture the tone of the song.

“And then you two come in with –”

The two of them delivered the first lyric, Kristin’s high soprano harmonizing with Idina’s lower mezzo. They continued singing, playing with the rhythms and melodies.

It was absolutely surreal to be singing with Idina again. Leaning over a piano, singing together in beautiful harmony. It drew her back to when they were practicing For Good, so many years ago. They’d had trouble nailing the tone of the song, and Stephen had told them to sing to each other. Kristin had felt such a powerful connection to Idina in that moment. She could still recall how their eyes had never left each other, how Idina’s voice had been so gorgeous and moving, how she couldn’t help but smile as she watched her sing. In this moment, over a decade later, she was right there. Their voices still flawlessly melded into one another, still complimented each other so well. In this moment of creation, Kristin felt the same connection. She knew Idina must have felt it as well; it would be impossible to be this in sync had she not have been.

Two hours later, the group of them had a rough score complete with lyrics. It wasn’t perfect by any means, and still needed polishing. There were parts written for Darren Criss, Kelli O’Hara, Neil Patrick Harris, and Audra McDonald…none of whom had been asked yet. But still, it was coming together in the beautiful way that only music can. 

Andy and the musicians took their leave after they finished. Idina was still in the room, staring intently at the sheets of music. Kristin should have left, she should have but she didn’t. It left the two of them alone, well and truly alone for the first time in years.

Kristin didn’t move. Neither did Idina. It was deathly quiet; one could barely even hear the hum of the building. Kristin chanced a glance at Idina. She was met by Idina’s stormy green eyes, intensely focusing upon her. The dark orbs saw her, penetrated her very being, easily shattering the mask she so meticulously crafted. It was too much all at once. Too much history, too much emotion, too much Idina.

Abruptly, Kristin severed the connection. She walked out, letting the door close behind her with a creaking thump.

Idina did not follow.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to voidstuff/behindthec for being incredibly supportive and pestering me to write, this story wouldn't really happen without her.


	3. Chapter 3

A routine is a beautiful thing. Kristin lived on it, thrived on the rote machinations. Her routine silenced the tormenting voices in her head; the self-doubt, the loneliness, the sadness, all of it simply disappeared in the wake of her single minded focus. Kristin devoted her entire being to the show, often arriving before noon to begin warming up. She was always this way, but the situation with Idina made her all the more grateful for it.

It was harder at night however. She would arrive home entirely fatigued, but her insomnia would keep her awake into the wee hours of the morning. Away from the bright lights and laughing crowds her life was silent, too silent. The voices, subtle little whispers, had full reign here. Television helped, but didn’t succeed in fully numbing her mind. The little bottle of Ambien sat on her nightstand, taunting her. She knew they would help, she knew that they would give her the emptiness she so craved, but she refused to give in to the temptation. She’d promised to be better, promised her family and Denny. So she would persist, if only for a while longer, in a vain attempt at normalcy.

It was like so that she awoke, early in the morning, completely drained after an evening of tossing and turning. It had been a couple days since she’d quite literally walked out on Idina. They had been two relatively simple days, devoid of any complications, or deviations from the routine. But then there were days like today, where individual events would demand the donning of the mask.

The event in question was an interview, Live with Kelly and Michael. She wasn’t dreading it by any means, but nor was it something she looked forward to. They would ask about the show, and Peter, the Tonys…and Idina. She would trot out answers, giggle at the appropriate moments, and play the perfectly blissful blonde everyone expected her to be. It was a necessary evil of being a celebrity, but not an altogether unpleasant one.

After eating breakfast and showering, she eyed herself critically in the floor length mirror. She was thinning, and there seemed to be new wrinkles forming daily on her skin. The show ensured that she stayed fit, but she couldn’t help but notice her protruding ribs. Sighing, she threw on a white, knee-length dress that buttoned up all the way to the top. She tied a narrow tie around the collar, letting the loose black strands contrast with the pure whiteness of the garment. She quickly did her make-up and hair, knowing that there would be someone to touch it up for her when she arrived at the studio.

Glancing at the mirror once more, she prayed quickly and walked out the door.

* * *

 

Live with Kelly and Michael was actually one of Kristin’s more preferred shows to do. Kelly bantered well with her, and Michael was genuinely warm and funny. Kristin arrived half an hour before they would go on air, chatting amicably with the two as they got their hair and makeup done. They were kind to her, letting her know what to expect. They also caught up on each other’s personal lives. It was interesting in a way, how you can only know someone through occasional monthly interactions and yet feel a connection of a sort.

Kelly and Michael left five minutes before air, the two of them prepping their routine. They went on to the sound of music, casually opening the show. Kristin waited in the back room, listening to their banter. Absently, she wondered if they had ever felt what she and Idina had. She wondered if their lines had ever blurred. She did not think so, for it would be impossible to keep up the charade.

“So our first guest was Tony-Nominated as Glinda, won an Emmy in Pushing Daisies, and now she’s back on Broadway starring in ‘On the Twentieth Century!’ Please welcome Miss Kristin Chenoweth!”

Kristin walked out of the room and basked in the roaring applause, letting a genuine smile form on her face. In the background, Pharrell’s ‘Happy’ played its cheery tune. Her dreary thoughts from earlier were quickly erased by the glowing smiles of her adoring public. She took a seat in the high chair after giving a hugging the both of them, greeting each other as old friends.

“So Kristin, I hear you’re on some sort of vocal rest?” Kelly opened.

“Yes last week I had what I think was bronchitis so for about a week I’ve been doing this coughing thing – and I’m so glad I just touched all of your audience – you all should go to the doctor immediately.” Kristin laughed along with the audience.

“You’re such an incredible singer but you suffer from asthma too so how do you not lose your voice?” Michael asked.

“I use my inhaler, that’s really important to always have it on you, now they have the ones that have a dose counters on them so you know when you’re out – you know, like ‘oh, none left, too late, you suck’ – literally.” Kristin let out a small chuckle. “So uhm, that I have, I sleep on an incline, uhm all of these things are very sexy, which is why I’m single I’m sure but you know those are the things that I do.” Kristin self-deprecated, laughing at herself.

“Well it’s all so worth it because I don’t know if anybody here has had the privilege of listening to you and watching you on the big stage but you’re so slight in frame but you’re gigantic on stage!” Kelly said.

“I feel there are certain things I was not born to do, like math, and driving – definitely not driving, speed demon – I – I’m lucky because I know what my purpose is, how I want to leave my mark, and this is mine.” Kristin replied. She still wasn’t quite sure if she believed it.

They played highlights of “On the Twentieth Century” afterwards, to the delight of the audience. Kristin always found it a bit weird, watching herself flit about the stage. She knew she was good, but still a part of her always blushed.

“Now that’s ‘On the Twentieth Century’, and we gotta say congratulations that you’re nominated for a Tony for Lily Garland, which is just incredible.” Michael said after clapping.

“Thank you.” Kristin replied with a smile.

“Speaking of the Tonys, do you have any teasers for us?” Michael asked.

“All I can say is that y’all better be watching because Idina and I have something special planned.”

“How excited are you to be working together with her again after – what is it, like 10 years?”

“She and I are absolutely thrilled to have this opportunity. You know, we went through something so incredible together in Wicked. That experience changed our lives. Only we can know just how much, but it did. People think we hate each other, because we’ve been a bit distant, but the truth is that it would be impossible to have gone through what we did and not love each other. This past year has been amazing for her, and there’s really no one more deserving, and no one I’d rather do this with.” Kristin finished, voice raw with honesty. The mask had slipped, but she found she didn’t care because even the slightest truth was breathtakingly liberating.

The audience cheered and clapped with raucous approval. Kelly and Michael both clapped along with them, standing as well when the audience rose to their feet. The applause continued for almost half a minute, before Kelly sat down to finish up the interview.

“I don’t think that you’ll have any problems attracting viewers!” Kelly quipped.

Kristin laughed, still trembling slightly from her emotional release. “Yes well we’ll be very happy to entertain you all, and I will try not to be sick all over the audience.”

“Thank you so much for joining us today, and don’t forget to see Kristin Chenoweth in ‘On the Twentieth Century’ and catch her June 7th where she’ll be hosting the Tonys!” Kelly finished.

Kristin exited, to blaring applause, for once finding herself glad that she had been on a talk show.

* * *

 

Kristin’s feet pounded on the pavement, barely audible to her over the rushing of blood in her ears and the music thrumming from her earbuds. She was breathing heavily, her mouth tasting of copper. Her legs ached, sweat was dripping from her brow, and the sun beat uncomfortably against her skin. All things considered, it was a terribly unpleasant experience.

She both hated and enjoyed running. She hated it because she was awful at it. A small frame and asthmatic lungs does not a good runner make. Her natural disadvantages coupled with the fact that she didn’t run often enough meant that she was absolutely dead on her feet within a quarter of an hour. But, she also loved the pain, in a way. Partly because it meant that she was improving her health, but also because when she was running, her mind could not think of anything else. All that existed was her breathing, the pavement in front of her, and the music in her ears. It was a blissful, silent, agony.

Today, as with all running days, she was running in Central Park. It was large enough that she could just be another anonymous runner, and close enough to her apartment that she could slip in and out quickly. It had been half an hour now, and she’d almost completed 2 miles. It had been a slow, grueling, 30 minutes.

Chest heaving, she slowed her pace to a walk. She walked up to a nearby vendor and purchased a bottle of water, draining it where she stood. It was a beautiful spring morning in New York City, warm and sunny with just the slightest breeze. Kristin had again woken up early today, except this morning she did not have the excuse of a talk show appearance. So, she’d thrown on an old t-shirt and a pair of runner shorts and headed out the door.

Slowly, she began her walk back to her apartment. As her body accustomed to its normal functioning, so too did her mind. The thoughts returned, but they were not entirely unpleasant. She thought of the errands she had to run, the show tonight, and her appearance on Live with Kelly and Michael yesterday morning. Specifically she thought of her outburst of truth. It was freeing, to be able to express what she really thought. For so long, she and Idina had partaken in a détente in regards to each other. Both of them would refuse to answer any question about the other definitively, offering only vague phrases of avoidance. But now, they were expected to sing each other’s praises, and Kristin was only too glad to clear up the air between them.

She was curious though, if Idina had seen it, and if she did, what she’d think. Kristin had been pondering this since yesterday afternoon, and all throughout the evening show. Before, she would have known, but now Idina was both an enigma yet completely familiar, so jaded yet still so uncompromisingly herself.

Kristin arrived back to her apartment with these thoughts in mind when she received a text message notification on her phone.

_“I saw what you said yesterday. Thank you.” – Idina_

Kristin let herself truly smile for the second time in as many days. It wasn’t much nor was it at all enough, but perhaps she hadn’t ruined it all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several lines from the Kelly & Michael interview taken directly from the actual interview. Don't know if I'm allowed to do that but you guys won't tell right?
> 
> As always, thank you to voidstuff/behindthec for her patience and support.


	4. Chapter 4

They were beginning rehearsals today. There were just three weeks left until they would be hosting on stage together. There would be back to back rehearsals this week, and then they would have the weekend off. Kristin was excited to begin, for rehearsal was when a show truly came together. Everyone who was important to the production was there. Radio City Music Hall was a veritable hive of activity: the lighting crew was practicing on stage, writers were manically scribbling away in backrooms, and directors and producers were scrambling to micromanage it all.

And in a small rehearsal room tucked away in some corner of the building, Kristin, Idina, and a troupe of dancers were waiting to begin. The music had been refined over the past couple days, and several guest stars had confirmed they would be making appearances in the opening number. Today, they would be practicing the choreography. It was not an easy feat to manage dozens of dancers and still feature the hosts prominently. Thankfully it wasn’t Kristin’s responsibility to do so.

Idina seemed to have forgotten about their moment several days ago. Or, perhaps she’d let it slide after Kristin’s kind words. Whatever it was, Kristin was glad that they had at least re-established the ability to talk without tearing each other’s throats out.

“So…you ready to begin?” Kristin asked Idina.

“Yes, I’m absolutely thrilled to have my worst flaw as a performer exposed.” Idina drawled sarcastically.

“The dancing? Oh trust me I’ve definitely seen way worse. There was this girl I worked with, ‘bout ten years back and she – oh sorry.” Kristin parried back with a smirk.

“You’re hilarious, you should be on TV.” Idina deadpanned.

“I was, had my own show and everything. Cancelled after six episodes, big hit.”

“Oh god I’d forgotten about that. Wasn’t there a scene, where you had your entire fist jammed in your mouth?”

“Easy there butt girl.”

“Mm, bet you're _intimately_ familiar with that scene.”

Kristin did not have an appropriate response to that. Apparently, neither did Idina, and the two lapsed into a slightly awkward pause. It was terribly odd, Kristin thought, how quickly they could swap from being old friends to clumsy interlocutors.

Thankfully, they were saved by the arrival of the choreographer, and the host of performers headed in to the rehearsal hall.

Kristin would be lying if she said that she wasn’t still thinking of Idina’s behind.

* * *

 

“And step and step and –”

“FUCK!” Idina swore. The music came to a discombobulated halt. This was either the fifteenth or sixteenth time Idina had messed up the choreography of their opening number, Kristin had lost count. Choreography had never been her strong suit; Kristin remembered just how frustrated she was when she was being taught the sequence in ‘Dancing Through Life’. Unfortunately for all involved that hadn’t changed.

They were rehearsing for the first time today, on a dreary Thursday morning. Kristin had noticed Idina getting more and more frustrated with each attempt, until finally it had culminated in this outburst.

“I – I just need a moment.” Idina said, stiffly walking out of the rehearsal hall. Kristin gave the choreographer a sympathetic look before turning around and following Idina.

Idina stormed out into the brightly lit hallway, resting her head on the wall and closing her eyes. Kristin walked slowly up to her, but did not interrupt. She still was not sure where they stood, so she would let Idina dictate the terms.

It was thirty seconds of tense, silent waiting until Idina spoke.

“I’m fine you know.” Idina said, her eyes still closed.

“I know.” Kristin said softly.

“Then why are you out here?” Idina snapped.

Kristin was slightly taken aback by the harsh comment, and turned to leave.

“Shit sorry, I didn’t mean that.” Idina said. Kristin turned back and saw that Idina was giving her an apologetic look.

“Kris…I’m sorry. It’s…this is weird isn’t it? I was so angry at you, for so many years, and then I yelled at you, and then we had that moment over the piano, and then you said nice things about me, and then this morning we were practically flirting. I just…I don’t know how to do this.” Idina confessed.

“What’s…this?” Kristin asked tentatively. She wasn’t quite sure how to handle this; she didn’t know what Idina wanted.

“Fuck I don’t know, it’s this, it’s wanting to be friends with you, it’s wanting to stop being stupid, it’s wanting to throw you up against a wall and kiss the hell out of you. But it’s also wanting to run as far as I can because you did; you ran from us and tore me apart.” Idina was breathing quicker now, emotions and feelings pouring out of her with every utterance. This was the Idina that Kristin knew, the one who had no secrets from her, the one who expressed everything she felt.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s all screwed up, and I know most of it is on me. But…God Dee these past years have been so tough. I…can we start over?” Kristin pleaded, open and raw. She understood that this was a chance, a chance to somehow be something together. It terrified her, to expose herself, and her mind was telling her to run from the room as fast as she could, but she steadfastly remained.

“I…I don’t know. But fuck I’m willing to try.”

Kristin smiled brilliantly at her, feeling the burden of guilt lift at least partly from her shoulders. Almost simultaneously, the two of them wrapped their arms around each other. They embraced each other for the first time in 11 years. Kristin found herself thinking that their bodies still fit perfectly together. She knew it was completely irrational, knew that this was simply the sentiment of her imagination. But she didn’t care, for she was where she wanted to be.

They separated, and Kristin saw that Idina was smiling stupidly down at her. Kristin knew her expression was the same. Just two idiots, smiling dopily down at each. Idina’s arms were still loosely around her shoulders, and Kristin still had her hands on Idina’s waist. Kristin saw that Idina had a tear coming out of her eye, and while she yearned to wipe it away she wanted to respect the new beginning of their relationship. Idina swept it away with a brush of her arm, giving Kristin a watery grin.

“Well, I think my diva bitch fit has lasted long enough.” Idina said, laughing.

“And people think I’m the diva.” Kristin joked.

To that, Idina simply raised a sarcastic brow.

“Okay fine.”

And with that, the two of them headed back to the rehearsal hall, new sparks being kindled in their hearts.

Idina nailed the routine on the nineteenth try.

* * *

 

Rehearsal ended at four. The dancers and musicians all quickly grabbed their belongings and left, everyone eager to get home. Kristin was tired, but content. There was nothing quite like seeing a large production come together. Each individual part moving together as one to create a grand, soaring spectacle. Creation is less the love child of one mother and more the labour of hundreds of craftsmen. Kristin was only too glad to be among the ones talented enough to take part.

She looked over at Idina, who was discussing some last minute things with the choreographer. Kristin admired that in her, the unwillingness to be beaten, to be cowed. She would fail, yes, but she would forge ahead with a bullish determination. There was a steel there that Kristin didn’t have. She knew she was good, but Idina had a way of gritting her teeth and tackling the hardest challenges head on.

As Idina talked, she absently swept back loose strands of blonde hair. ‘ _Still doing that one I see’_ , Kristin thought. Idina finished her conversation, and made her way towards her.

“So, my shitty dancing didn’t manage to piss off anyone today.” Idina self-deprecated.

“You would’ve drove Joe mad! But no really darlin’ you did fine.” Kristin said. She worried slightly at her lip, as she’d accidentally let the pet name slip.

But Idina moved right past it, responding, “I’m pretty sure Walker dances better than I do.”

“Haha you’ve taught him too well then. How’s he doing by the way?” Kristin asked.

At this, Idina’s eyes lit up in the way only a proud parent’s could. “Oh my God he’s so perfect. He’s started getting into Bruce Lee and karate so he does these adorable high kicks. Oh and he’s still into dinosaurs so sometimes I’ll wake up with a triceratops or whatever on the pillow beside me. And sometimes I think he misses Taye, but…” Idina trailed off. She blushed, realizing that she’d been rambling, and Kristin quickly quieted the little quiver in her heart. “Sorry, you don’t need to hear that.” Idina apologized.

“It’s okay, I like hearing you talk about him.” Kristin smiled, blushing slightly at the admission. Kristin did. She loved the way Idina’s face lit up, she loved that Idina had found such happiness in her life. Kristin had only seen Walker once, very briefly, when he’d been born. She’d gone to the hospital, with the intention of seeing Idina, but she’d stopped at the viewing window when she saw Idina and Taye cooing over baby Walker. Kristin had walked straight out.

There was a pause before Idina asked, “When do you have to get to the theatre?”

Kristin fiddled with her purse, before pulling out her phone and checking the time. “In like, 2 hours?”

“Do you want to grab dinner?”

* * *

 

“I’m so jealous that you get to have coffee.” Kristin half whispered. Due to the demanding nature of the show Kristin was on a strict diet as well as on vocal rest.

“I seem to recall a certain blonde getting flat out wasted after our first New York preview.”

“I was young and innocent. You and Michelle corrupted me.”

“Aw you were so naïve then! You hadn’t even kissed a girl!”

“You fixed that fast.”

There was a pause, as Kristin and Idina both realized what they had been doing. They both looked away, blushing slightly. Kristin looked up to give Idina a small smile, only to see she was doing the same.

“This is going to be hard isn’t it?” Idina said with a small laugh.

“Yeah.” Kristin affirmed quietly.

There was another pause, before Idina said, “You know…the quiet whispering is kinda hot.”

“Oh my goodness you are incorrigible!”

“Okay fine, new topic. What have you been doing these past couple years?”

“You mean you don’t stalk me on the Internet?”

“What, you mean you do?”

“Please, everyone already knows all about you Miss Dazeem.”

At this, Idina let out a familiar cackle. “You did not just say that. And okay fine I stalked you a little bit but c’mon I wanna know.”

“Fine. I did West Wing, released a couple albums, and did the Apple Tree, then Promises, Promises, then Glee, then Pushing Daisies.” Kristin succinctly summarized.

“Wow it’s like I know all about you now!” Idina said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I…I saw you in Promises though.” She continued more seriously.

“Oh. I didn’t know. What’d you think?”

“I’d gotten into a fight with Taye…and I wanted a night out, and, well, I hadn’t seen you in a while. You were…perfect. I cried. The critics were all stupid. And now I sound like an idiot. Thanks.” Idina laughed, looking away from Kristin slightly embarrassed.

“I…thank you. And…well while we’re on the topic of confessions…I…” Kristin debated whether to tell Idina about visiting her in the hospital. “I saw If/Then.” Some confessions were better left unsaid.

“Well at least we’re both idiots together.”

“Yeah. You were incredible though. Or should I say, a blazing supernova?”

“Oh god stop. I’m just blessed with the best titles.”

“Alright fine, Frozen star.”

“I might just kill you.”

“Don’t think I won’t fight back.”

“That’s cute, but we both know how easily I can pick you up.”

Kristin told herself that she was only blushing. Idina at least had the decency to look somewhat apologetic.

“Fuck we suck at this.” Idina breathed out.

“I know. It’s…it’s okay though right?”

“Kris…I’m okay. It’s okay.”

Kristin beamed at her, Idina content to beam right back. Kristin was entranced by those green eyes, so mesmerizing and open. Idina reached over to take Kristin’s hand in her own. Kristin let herself briefly get lost in the warmth of her touch. Her hands were still soft, but they were older now, not quite the same as before.

Kristin decides that’s perfectly fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long A/N, sorry.
> 
> In celebration of the Tonys tonight, I present to you the 4th chapter of Maybe This Time. I hope you enjoyed reading it.
> 
> It is with great dismay however that I must announce that this fic will have to go on a brief hiatus, of roughly 3 weeks. I'm sorry, I really am. But between papers, and exams, and travelling, I simply don't have the time to write. I will do my best and try to squeeze out 1 more chapter in addition to the 1 I have written before I leave for my roadtrip, and perhaps in the car I'll try to write on my tablet. But after my roadtrip I am moving back to Canada, from Belgium, so there are a lot of affairs that need to be taken care of. Know that I will never abandon this fic. I will see it through...just...not as soon as I wish I could. Again, please accept my sincerest apologies, and thank you all for your love, your comments, and your readership.
> 
> Lastly, thank you to voidstuff/behindthec, who really helped me polish this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

Falling back in to friendship is as easy as breathing. Kristin steadfastly ignores the fact that attraction, some intangible magnetic force, is not a part of friendship. She supposes that the attraction was always there though, and would always be there. It was odd to so consciously start over, odd because in just mere days the veil of hatred that they had operated under previously was so easily swept away, replaced by the breezy lightness of friendship. Still though, Kristin doesn’t allow herself to dwell on it. When Idina giggles and laughs with her at rehearsal, and gives her playful nudges whenever they walk together, all the doubt simply falls away.

So on Sunday evening, when Idina invites her over for dinner after her matinee, Kristin doesn’t even hesitate before accepting.

* * *

 

After she finished her show, Kristin took perhaps the quickest shower ever taken. Or at least, the quickest shower she’d ever taken. Her outfit is already laid out on her sofa, she being the perfectionist she is. She decided on something simple. Jeans, biker boots and a blouse said that she wasn’t trying too hard. That was the intention anyway.

She flicked off the lights to her dressing room and made her way to the stage door. Andy and Peter were there waiting for her, ready to make the rounds with their beloved fans.

“Shall we?” Peter said, ever the gallant gentleman.

“Let’s get out of here.” Kristin responded, a tingle of excitement creeping into her voice.

“Kristin, would you like to grab dinner with Paula and I tonight? Andy you and Orfeh are welcome as well.” Peter said kindly.

“Another time maybe? I’ve got plans tonight?”

“Hot date?” Andy injected with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Kristin fought to keep the blush off her face, uncertain if she succeeded.

“No, just…an old friend.” As if that somehow summed up what Idina was. Although, Kristin wasn’t quite sure she could define it herself.

“Another time then, perhaps.” Peter said graciously.

Kristin thanked him and the three of them made their way out the door. She smiled widely and signed patiently, and if she moved a little quicker than usual no one was the wiser. When she had finished, she waved goodbye to the boys and got into her waiting car. She gave her driver Idina’s address and they were on their way.

* * *

 

In only a quarter of an hour, Kristin found herself standing in front of Idina’s apartment building. The doorman had apparently been told to expect her and waved her right in. Idina lived in this stunningly gorgeous penthouse that overlooked Central Park in all its beauty. Unfortunately for Kristin, this meant that she did not have time to gather her thoughts, as the elevator brought her physically inside Idina’s home.

With nary a sliding hiss, the doors opened smoothly, revealing a modern but homey living space. If Kristin was paying attention, she’d notice the warm, earthy den tucked away in the corner to her left, a comfortable looking L shaped sofa parked against the wall in front of a large flat screen television. To her right, an enormous window offered a wide view of New York. She may have even noticed the hallway at the far end of the room that led to what presumably were bedrooms, or the spiral staircase to go upstairs to the second floor.

But Kristin did not notice any of this. What she noticed was Idina cooking intently in an open kitchen, wearing a cute red apron, looking extremely focused in her work. Kristin found it both hilarious and endearing, because she had never known Idina to cook. From the way her eyes were glued to the recipe book, Kristin could tell that had not changed much.

At the kitchen table, Walker looked to be playing a game on an iPad. He was a beautiful boy. Dark, curly hair sat cutely on his round head, his adorable features scrunched up in concentration just like his mother’s. He was poking periodically at the screen with his chubby fingers, occasionally giving off a small grin. Somehow, Kristin already loved him.

Idina was so focused that she had not noticed her yet, so Kristin decided to make herself known.

“Hey Dee, I’m here.” Kristin called out.

Idina whipped around to face her, inadvertently dropping the ladle in her haste. She seemed caught between staying there and watching the cooking food or rushing over to greet her. In the end, it seemed the latter won out, and Idina headed over to the door, face slightly flushed. She motioned Walker to come with her, and he tentatively grabbed onto her pant leg, hiding slightly behind it.

Idina looked down at him, her expression absolutely brimming with love and adoration. Gently, she disentangled her leg from Walker’s two handed hold and knelt down in front of him. She cradled his face in her hands, brushing back a phantom curl of hair as she did.

“Walker baby, do you know who this is?” Idina asked.

Walker seemed to ponder the question for a moment.

“It’s the lady in the picture!” He exclaimed.

Kristin couldn’t tell if Idina was blushing or if she was still flushed from the cooking. Kristin didn’t have time to ponder what picture Walker was talking about as mother and son were conversing again.

“Yes, this is mommy’s…very good friend from a long time ago.”

“Like a long long time ago?”

“Yes a long long time ago.” Idina said, playing along.

“Was it a long long long time a –”

Walker was interrupted by Idina’s playful tickles, giggling out in laughter.

“Mommy stop!” Walker gasped out between laughs.

“Okay fine you silly goose. Now be nice and say hello to Auntie Kristin.”

Walker’s laughter petered out as he looked up at Kristin. Kristin smiled back kindly, waiting patiently.

“H-hello Auntie Kristin.” He said shyly.

Kristin knelt down so that she was on eye level with Walker.

“Hi Walker. Is it okay if I have dinner with you and your mommy tonight?” Kristin gave him her fullest, most earnest smile. Somehow Walker’s approval was of utmost importance for her. Thus she was infinitely happy when Walker gave a small nod indicating his approval.

Just then, the pasta began to boil over, water bubbling over the edge and falling onto the stovetop in hissing drops.

“Oh sh –” Idina stopped herself, remembering that Walker was there. “Shoot.” She breathed out, springing off the floor and rushing to the stove.

Kristin couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth.

“Chenoweth you better not be making fun of me!” Idina reprimanded, apparently having heard the laughter.

“Oh I’d never do that! Walker and I were just having a nice little chat, weren’t we?” Kristin smiled playfully at Walker.

Idina’s only response was grumbling indignation.

“C’mon, let’s go see if your mommy needs any help.”

With that, Kristin got off the floor with Walker tentatively following behind her.

* * *

 

“Okay Walker, where does your mommy keep the forks?” Kristin asked. She and Walker had been tasked by Idina to set the table.

“It’s in this one!” Walker said excitably, pointing to a drawer. In the way that only children could, he’d warmed up to Kristin within moments. It probably helped that Kristin had helped him beat the level of Candy Crush that he’d been stuck on.

“So can you get us what we need to have spaghetti?”

Walker grabbed two forks, pausing before grabbing two accompanying spoons. On the side, there lay a smaller set of plastic fork and spoon that he snatched up as well. Kristin grabbed two butter knives and two salad forks as well.

“What a smart boy you are!”

Walker beamed and blushed simultaneously, already so reminiscent of his mother’s bashfulness.

“Let’s go set up the table so we can eat.”

One by one, each individual fork, knife, and spoon found its way into its proper place. At the end Walker smiled happily up at Kristin with accomplishment. Kristin couldn’t help but reach down and tousle his soft curly hair, heart thrumming with an odd warmth. She turned to help Idina with the rest of the dishes only to find that Idina was looking at them with an expression that could only be described as _loving_. It was infectious, as Kristin found her lips curling slightly in response.

Idina and Kristin began carrying plates of food over to the round glass dinner table. Three steaming plates of spaghetti sat on the table, each topped with homemade tomato sauce and meatballs. An enormous wooden bowl of Caesar salad was placed in the middle. On the side, a warm, sliced baguette lay on top of a wooden cutting board.

“I’m sorry it’s not much…I’m sure you remember that I’m not much of a cook.” Idina said bashfully as they sat down.

“Don’t be silly, this is lovely Dee. Thank you.”

There was still awkwardness, moments when both were still lost in a sort of social rigidness. They weren’t there yet, but they were taking steps.

-

“Walker sweetie you have to have some salad.” Idina cooed softly.

Walker pouted adorably before acquiescing to a serving on his salad plate.

Kristin couldn’t help but be entranced by Idina’s mothering. She’d never seen this side of her, never seen her fuss over the sauce on Walker’s chin, never seen her scold him for poor table manners. It was at once beautiful and heartbreaking. Beautiful because Idina had become such a perfect, loving mother, but heartbreaking because Kristin hadn’t been there to see it. She hadn’t been there to hold her hand as she gave birth, and she hadn’t supported her over what must have been difficult years.

“Mommy, how did you and Auntie Kristin meet?” Kristin was thankfully saved from her troublesome thoughts by Walker’s innocent question.

Idina smiled apologetically at Kristin, or perhaps it was sentiment.

“Well…do you remember the picture of where mommy had green skin?”

“You were Elphabala!”

“Elphaba sweetie.”

“Elphabablabla.”

“If you keep being silly mommy won’t be able to tell the story…” Idina admonished playfully.

“Elphaba Elphaba Elphaba Elphaba.”

“Good boy. Well that was in a show called Wicked. And Auntie Kristin here played the other witch, Glinda. We were…best friends. In the show.”

It felt perfectly natural then for Idina and Kristin to look at each other, both knowing the other was reminiscing of the past. Their first meeting, after Joe had introduced them, where Kristin had accidentally joked that she’d seen Idina’s butt in RENT. The first rehearsal, where they were both simultaneously struck by how talented the other was. Their first kiss, a heady, alcohol infused cocktail mixed against the wall of a New York bar. Their first time, passionate and reckless in the San Francisco hotel. Their first show together, listening to the crowd rise in raucous applause.

No relationship could be summed up by merely simply describing the firsts. To do so ignored the in-betweens, the gentle stroking of Idina’s hands through her hair, her warm embrace on the San Francisco docks.

“Your mommy was…really special. And we became really close friends.”

“You should come for dinner more often!” Walker exclaimed.

“Okay. Are you going to cook next time?”

Walker seemed to think for a moment, before saying, “No, but mommy can make pancakes!”

“Only on your birthday sweetie.”

Walker gave Idina the most adorable pout, and were Kristin in her position she would have gotten off the chair to start making pancakes right that very moment. But Idina was stronger, she was able to remain firm in her decision.

At least until relenting slightly by saying, “But we can order pizza and watch a movie.”

“Yay! I love you mommy!”

“I love you too baby. Now finish your salad.”

Kristin thought it was absolutely perfect that Walker grumbled under his breath about not being a baby, but it was not lost on her that she had inadvertently accepted another dinner invitation. She found the idea filled her with a content warmth.

Just then, Kristin noticed that Idina, in all her fussing about Walker, hadn’t realized something. She’d gotten pasta sauce…on her nose. The sight made her feel a sort of tender gooeyness, a sort that made her want to reach over and wipe it away.

“Dee you’ve got a…a…” Kristin gestured at her nose.

“Mommy you have a sauce on your nose!”

Idina grabbed her napkin but, to Kristin’s pleasure, missed the spot repeatedly.

Unable to resist any longer, Kristin raised a tentative hand, napkin in her grasp.

“Uhm…here…let me.”

One thumb brushed gently over delicate features, and with a brief, single swipe, the spot was gone.

“All…all better.” Kristin stammered out. There’d been a tender domesticity to the action that sent her heart aflutter.

“T-thank you.” Idina was blushing madly.

Walker seemed to look at them oddly, as if there were a puzzle to be solved.

He wasn’t exactly wrong.

* * *

 

“Dee where do these go?” Kristin was holding a stack of plates that they had just washed. Walker sat out in the den, within view, playing with his dinosaurs as some Sunday night kids show played in the background.

“I think the top cabinet, on the left?”

“You think? Dee this is actually your house right? You didn’t just break in to impress me?” Kristin said, putting the last dishes away in their proper place.

“Oh fuck off, usually Elle takes care of the dishes and stuff. She’s Walker’s babysitter. But I haven’t needed her to come in as much since I finished If/Then.”

Kristin sensed that Idina was slightly hesitant to tell her this, as if she was ashamed somehow that she needed help.

“It…it must be hard. You’ve done such a good job though, Walker’s perfect.”

“I…I don’t know. Sometimes I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing, and when I don’t come home for dinner I feel like the worst mom –”

“– Hey stop with that.” Kristin interrupted. “You’re a great mom, and he loves you so much.” Kristin wished that Idina could see in herself even a fraction of what Kristin saw in her. It had always been like this, she’d always been a bit unconfident when in reality she was so unconsciously incredible.

Kristin grabbed her hand, hoping that she could somehow offer support, as if the physical connection could lend Idina strength.

“I – okay. Thank you. It’s time for Walker to go to bed, he has school tomorrow. Do you…do you want to tuck him in with me?”

Kristin wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. The alarm bells that would usually go off at the closeness were oddly silent. She found herself agreeing.

“Walker baby, it’s time for bed.”

“Five more minutes! Pleeasseeeee?”

 “Don’t you start with me, it’s almost 10. Now go get changed and I’ll come tuck you in.”

Walker groaned dramatically, certainly the child of two actors. Still, he turned off the television and picked up his toys and headed to his room.

Five minutes later, Walker was in bed, stuffed bear in hand. Kristin stood in the doorway as Idina mothered, content to simply watch.

“Mommy can you read me a bedtime story?”

“Okay. There once was a boy, with very curly hair, who was very, very brave.”

Walker giggled as Idina lovingly ruffled his hair.

“This boy had a mommy who loved him very much. This mommy loved him so much that a passing dragon got jealous. This dragon was big and scary, and he breathed fire. One night, when the brave little boy was asleep, the dragon swooped down and grabbed the mommy! When the little boy woke up, he was very sad because his mommy was gone. So he put on his shiny armour, and strapped on a big sword, and got on his horse. He rode for days without sleeping, and when he reached the dragon’s lair he was very tired. But that didn’t stop him from marching in and telling that mean dragon that you weren’t allowed to just steal people’s mommies. The dragon got very mad, and began to breathe fire at the brave little boy. The boy was very smart though, because along the way he had spoken to a wizard who gave him a fireproof cloak. He was untouched by the dragon’s fire, and ran in past all the gold and riches to grab his mommy. Together, they escaped on his noble steed, making sure to trap the dragon in its lair. When they got home, the little boy was very tired, so his mommy put him to bed. And he slept all the way until his mommy woke him up the next morning.”

By the end of the story, Walker was fast asleep, a cute little smile on his face. Idina pressed one last kiss to his forehead before gently walking to the door where Kristin was standing.

Neither said anything as they stood together, simply watching Walker sleep. Kristin felt as if there was a certain sort of fulfillment here, in that very space by the doorframe. Walker wasn’t her child, and she’d only met him today, and yet somehow it simply felt right.

She turned to Idina, only to find that she was staring down at her with those deep, dark, eyes. From this close, Kristin could see the flecks of gold sparkling in a sea of green. They were so close, their bodies not even separated by an inch. Kristin didn’t know who leaned in first, perhaps they both had at the same time. But it didn’t matter, as suddenly Idina’s lips were pressed to hers. She was soft, and warm, and so supremely gentle. Kristin felt a hand tenderly caress the side of her neck. It was slow, and tentative, but spoke of the infinity that lay unsaid between them.

“Wait, wait, we should stop.” Kristin broke away, slightly breathless.

“Fuck, sorry, yeah.” Idina whispered.

“This doesn’t mean anything right?”

“It…it doesn’t.” Idina repeated, as if the mere utterance of the words would change the reality of the situation.

Even though they had separated, they were still so close. Kristin could still smell Idina with every breath, could still taste her on her lips. Her lips were slightly redder than they had been before, and a dusting of rouge lay across her cheeks.

Neither could resist leaning in again, lips crashing together more desperately than before. The first kiss had broken a dam in them, and now all Kristin wanted to do was get lost in her lips, in her essence. Again and again they kissed, as if once the moment passed they would no longer be able to do so again.

They broke away simultaneously this time. Idina’s eyes were glazed over with a darkened haze that could only be want. Kristin knew that she was the same.

Suddenly, they were too close to be apart, and Kristin’s foggy mind had the sense to take a step back so that their bodies were no longer touching.

“I…I should go.” Kristin breathed out, her heart rapidly thudding.

Kristin didn’t stay to hear Idina’s response, as she quickly grabbed her coat and shoes and headed into the elevator.

The last thing she saw before the doors closed was Idina staring at her. Even as she descended she could still feel that dark, hypnotic gaze roving upon her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to voidstuff/behindthec.


	6. Chapter 6

Friendship is an odd thing in the theatre world. Everyone is friends with everyone. After all, it would be difficult not to, when the American theatre community was essentially centred in one city. Yet paradoxically, Kristin would rarely meet one of these friends for lunch, or dinner. She had other such friends for those she supposed.

Denny Downs was one of those friends. They’d met on Kristin’s first trip to New York City, over 20 years ago. He’d been supportive even then, telling Kristin to audition for a role that turned out to be her first job on Broadway. Over the years, he’d been party to many a shared laugh and squealing hug, but also his fair share of breakdowns and shed tears.

It was thus only natural that the very next day after kissing Idina, Kristin found herself standing in the doorway of a posh café in the middle of the afternoon, searching for her blonde haired gay best friend.

He waved to her, sporting a fresh new tan from his months performing on a cruise ship.

“Just one day back and you’re already calling me up. What would you do without me?” Denny teased as she took her seat.

“Haha, very funny.”

“I missed you Kristi.”

“Couldn’t have been that bad judging from those photos I got.” A beat. “I missed you too though.”

The almost imperceptible break in her voice said just how much.

“Aww Kristi c’mere.” Denny said with outstretched arms.

Kristin gladly reached over and fell into the friendly embrace. Despite the awkward positioning, she allowed herself to close her eyes and let her troubles slip away.

And for a brief moment, they did.

* * *

 

“So, how many women made a pass at you this time?” Kristin asked after swallowing a mouthful of pasta.

“Ugh, like four probably? I think three were married too.” Denny responded with false disgust. Gay men were apparently attractive to drunk, unhappy, women.

“And how many men?”

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell.” He whispered conspiratorially.

“So zero?”

“Not a one. But Kristi, let’s be real here, you didn’t invite me out here just to talk about my failure of a sex life. What’s up?”

Kristin opened her mouth to protest. Immediately, excuses were on the tip of her tongue, but the pointed glance Denny was giving her strangled the words before they could come up.

“So…I’m working with Idina. For the Tonys.” Kristin started. Her voice sounded reedy and thin, as if she was afraid to really say it out loud.

Denny nodded and waited patiently for her to continue.

“And…uhm…we kissed.”

Denny did not even have the decency to look shocked. He merely quirked one sculpted eyebrow, as if he knew all along.

Kristin waited with bated breath. The words had been uttered aloud, and yet conversation continued around them, the waiter refilled their water, and the world kept turning.

“Well?” Kristin huffed out after ten seconds of silence.

“That’s what I should be asking you! That’s it?”

“What do you mean that’s it!?”

“You’re working together and then you kissed? C’mon Kristi where were the fireworks and the stars?  I already knew the kissing part – oh don’t look so shocked, it’s all over your face – but I need details sweetheart.”

Kristin had missed this, missed the fact that Denny could read her like no other. It wasn’t terrifying

So Kristin told him about the past two and a half weeks. How Idina had been so angry with her, and how they’d slowly mended that gap, and finally how she found herself pressed against a doorframe with her hands up Idina’s shirt.

This time, at the end of it, Denny is grinning toothily, with a downright filthy expression on his face.

“Well aren’t we naughty?”

“Den it wasn’t like that…she was…she was so…domestic. She made me dinner, and I set the table with Walker, and then she tucked him in and…” Kristin trailed off.

Denny was looking at her with a pensive, almost knowing look.

“You love her.” It was stated matter of factually, a simple statement.

“I – I don’t. We’re friends, and it was a mistake.”

“Kristi you are so full of shit. Look me in the eye right now and tell me you don’t want to be part of her domestic bliss. Tell me you don’t want to wear her shirts, or cuddle in bed together, or make her breakfast in the morning. Tell me you don’t love her and I’ll shut up.”

“I –”

“Before you open your mouth and lie to me, remember I’ve known you over 20 years and I knew when you and her first slept together.”

Kristin couldn’t feign the proper chagrin at being caught out. So she spoke the truth that had been she had been so skillfully concealing. For how long, she did not know, yet the constant nudging in her mind made the truth undeniable.

“I…I do. I want all of that.”

It would be a lie to say that it was completely liberating to admit that out loud. Immediately her mind began running the gamut of what ifs, of how this could completely backfire. And yet, the thought had been repressed for so long that the vocal utterance seemed to allow her to release at least some of the tension she had been holding.

Denny was smiling stupidly at her, the same stupid expression he got when she told him truly happy news. Of course, it was terribly similar to his I-told-you-so expression, as often his advice would be what led to the happy news. Kristin was torn between wanting to wipe the smarmy grin off his face and smiling with him.

“Shut up.”

“What? I’m not saying anything.”

“Your eyebrows are.”

“Fine, fine.” Denny relented.

Denny reached over then, and covered her small hand with his larger one. His hand wasn’t soft like Idina’s, but it was warm and comforting all the same.

“Kris…tell me you’re going to try. I saw the way you lit up just thinking about her just now.” Denny was looking right at her as he spoke, as if he knew that a single moment away and she would bolt. Given her history he wouldn’t necessarily be wrong either.

“I…I don’t know. It’s complicated, and she has a kid, and it’s all happening really fast, and – and –”

“It’ll work out this time, if you want it to. I know it. Yeah, there’s more drama between you two than an episode of Dance Moms, and a kid kinda mucks things up, but you’ve known each other forever. And I’m not telling you to sit on her face or whatever you lesbians do, but please god at least try. Try being with her, not try facesitting. Unless you’ve already done that, in which case you’re holding out on me. Or does she sit on –”

“Okay okay I’m smiling you can stop now!” Kristin said, embarassed. Somehow a stray tear had managed to slip out, rolling down her blushing cheeks. Kristin knew she must’ve looked like a classic mess, smiling and crying and blushing as she was.

“What? I was genuinely curious.” Denny smirked triumphantly.

“Yes well, too bad.”

“Fine, fine. I bet you’re her bitch though.”

“A – am not!”

“Oh my god I’m right aren’t I?”

“Shut up, that was a long time ago.”

“Ooh, so is there going to be something different this time ‘round?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”

“So little Miss Chenoweth does like to get a little kinky… – ow!”

Denny yelped in pain as Kristin smacked him on the arm.

“I hate you.”

“Nah, you love me.”

Kristin shifted her chair over so she could properly hug him.

“So much. Thank you Den.”

He brushed a tear from her face using a restaurant napkin.

“Anytime Kristi.”

“I…I’ve gotta go get ready for the show tonight. Do you wanna come?”

At this, Denny gave her another broad smile. He fished his hand into his jacket pocket, before pulling out a paper ticket. On the front in bold print it read, ‘On The Twentieth Century’, with a date for that evening’s performance.

“Den! I would’ve reserved you tickets!”

“I wanted to surprise you, but then you had to go fall in love and ruin it with your drama.”

“Haha.” Kristin deadpanned.

Friendship is a beautiful thing.

* * *

 

It was too warm, or she wasn’t tired yet, or it was just her insomnia. Whatever the reason, Kristin found herself staring at the blinking red digits of her bedside alarm clock. They read 1:48 AM, dispassionately letting her know that she had been lying there for an hour and a half.

After her show she and Denny had grabbed a late bite at a trendy bar in the theatre district. Now though, Kristin found no trace of the high spirits she had gone home with.

She knew it wasn’t the temperature of the room nor her supposed lack of fatigue keeping her up though. The room was the same temperature as it always was, and her sore feet and muscles told her all she needed to know about her level of fatigue. No, the real reason had been running through her mind ever since she’d lay down to go to bed. She hadn’t talked to Idina at all since the kiss, making it twenty-eight hours since they’d last spoken. Kristin told herself it was perfectly natural to know the exact number of hours. The lack of contact gnawed away at the edges of her consciousness, magnified by what had happened before she’d left.

Her tormenting thoughts that had been so blissfully silent the past week now returned with a vengeance. Except now, they were centered on Idina. They had kissed, and Kristin had…enjoyed that. Idina had been a more than willing participant as well. But that did not offer any real answers. There was no doubt that there existed this attraction between them. It had always been there. But succumbing to an attraction was different from…the other thing. The thing that Kristin found herself wanting, when Idina pressed a kiss to Walker’s forehead when she tucked him up. That warm, quiet, contentment as she watched Idina cook. It was the thing that Kristin had never wanted before, the thing she had quite frankly abhorred for the majority of her adult life. Before, it was a thing that spoke of a slow, agonizing death in suburbia, of being anchored to a responsibility to another human being. Now though, it spoke of a solace and fulfillment. Maybe it was the right time. Maybe it was just Idina.

It wasn’t as easy as simply wanting it though. Idina may have wanted that before, but that was over a decade ago. They were different people now. Idina was divorced now, and she had a child. A child who seemed to already adore Kristin, but a child nonetheless. Does she want the same thing? Does she want it now?

Frustrated, Kristin flung the covers off herself and got out of bed. She threw on a coat and a pair of boots. At the very least, she thought, she was preparing well for the act of foolishness to follow. With a press of a button and several short words, a cab was waiting for her outside within minutes.

With heart in hand, Kristin stepped out into the cool night air.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm a tease. And I'm sorry it's short. But I have some time on a beach in Spain so maybe I'll get some writing done :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ..there be smut ahead.

The vivid lights of downtown Manhattan passed through the cab window in a blur. Kristin was vaguely aware that the radio was playing some late night Euro pop, but all Kristin heard was the dull, thumping bass blaring from the tinny speakers. Outside, nighttime revelers were making their way in and out of brightly lit establishments of dubious comport. But the sensory data barely filtered past her synapses, for her mind was somewhere else entirely.

The rational, calculative part of her mind told her that she used to be a late sleeper, that she would be there when she arrived. But the gnawing of her lip and the tight fistfuls of her trench coat told her that her fears were far from allayed.

_Stupid girl, what in God's name are you doing?_

There was no guarantee that Idina was even home, that she would even be awake, that she'd even want to see her at this hour.

There were worse possibilities still. What if it had all been in her head? What if she'd only imagined the catch of breath, or the hot desperate hand at her hip? Or what if the lust was all that existed?

Or...or what if Idina wasn't alone? What if...what if there was a man, or a woman, in her bed at this moment, making her writhe in pleasure? Would she scream their name as her back arched in ecstasy, or - or -

"Uh ma'am we're here." The cabbie thankfully interrupted with a gruff, foreign accent that Kristin couldn't quite place.

"Th-thank you." Kristin managed to stutter out. She didn't wait to see how much was owed and simply threw a wad of bills onto the seat and closed the door. The cabbie drove off moments later, leaving her standing in front of Idina's apartment building.

The wind howled around her, whistling between the tall skyscrapers and whipping at the skirt of her trench coat. She shivered involuntarily, though she wasn't quite sure if it was from the cold or the building before her. The building itself looked suddenly imposing; a towering mountain upon which at the top Idina rested. The lobby seemed to emanate a harsh, unwelcoming light.

Kristin knew that she was impressing the nervous fear bubbling in her stomach upon the structure, but acknowledging the irrationality did not help.

She did not have much time to gather any semblance of courage, as the doorman was pushing the door open.

"Miss Chenoweth? Would you like to come in?" The doorman's voice rang out, loud and clear. Kristin nodded her assent. As she took the few short steps towards the door, Kristin felt a paradoxical calm come over her. It was the same feeling she got before every performance, a zen-like relaxing of her heartbeat and breathing. But this was no performance. It was real, perhaps the most authentic thing she would ever do.

"Are you here to see Miss Menzel?" The doorman queried as she stepped into the threshold of the building. He took his place behind the concierge's desk.

"I-yes. Is she awake?"

 _Stupid question_. Kristin chastised herself silently.

"I'm not sure ma'am but I can ring her up if you'd - oh." The doorman paused as he looked at his computer screen.

"It says here that Miss Menzel has put you on her free entry list."

"What does that mean?" To her ears, her voice sounded paper thin, as if it was formed only from the rustling of the wings of the butterflies in her stomach. She steadfastly ignored the rapidly forming storm in her mind, knowing that if she allowed herself to wonder why Idina had done such a thing she would spiral into her own self-inflicted oblivion.

"It means you're free to head up. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"You're too kind. Good night - Paul." Kristin said after pausing to look at his name tag.

In eleven steps she was in the penthouse elevator. A moment and the quivering press of a button later and she was ascending. But to what, she wasn't quite sure.

* * *

 

The elevator arrived, silent as a grave, just like the last time. But unlike last time, there was a steel gate barring Kristin's entry, perhaps erected at night to keep out intruders. It would appear Kristin would get a dramatic entrance after all. Kristin looked around the apartment, but could barely make out anything besides vague shapes, as the two lamps perched on either side of the elevator was the only source of light. Even the heavy blinds had been closed, blocking out any light that may have attempted to creep by. Hand shaking with nervous energy, Kristin rang the doorbell, and waited.

A second passed with nothing but blank silence. Then another. What if all this had been for naught?

For a seemingly infinite duration of time, though in reality it was only mere seconds, Kristin was alone with nothing but the hum of a silent home that wasn't her own and the rapid drumming of her heart. She stared at the spot where she believed Walker's room was. More accurately, she stared at where she believed the doorframe was. Just days earlier, Idina's hands had tattooed her skin at that very spot. It had all seemed to happen in a single instant, an inexplicable one. Perhaps in that moment it had just clicked, the puzzle piece finally sliding into place. Or perhaps it was a realization of a fact. She was a woman, she was 4'11", and she loved Idina.

Regardless, the slow creaking of an opening door signified that it was all coming to a head. Soft padding footsteps could be heard. To Kristin though it might as well have been a slowly pounding drum. Kristin could not yet see who the figure was, but she could tell that the figure was getting closer with every crescendoing step. Suddenly, the figure stopped. Kristin could make out the barest outline now. But it was enough. The figure was decidedly feminine, and with the scrutiny with which the figure must've been observing her with it could only be one person.

A single step from the figure shed a single shaft of light on her visage. The light revealed a pale forehead, and the beginning of a sharp, defined, nose. Another step made clear chiseled cheekbones and bare toes. A final step brought Idina's glorious image into complete focus. I was at once not enough and infinitely fulfilling, and Kristin greedily allowed her eyes to drink their fill.

Idina was wearing a small, delectably small, pair of gym shorts. It left her legs almost completely bare. She was clad only in an oversized, off the shoulder t-shirt, revealing a creamy, lightly freckled shoulder. Idina's hair cascaded casually over her left shoulder, a muted shade of blonde in this lighting. Idina seemed to not know what to do with her hands, as she wrung them in front of her only to clasp them behind her and then let them fall to her side.

But all this faded into the background when Kristin looked Idina in the eye and was met with that infinite, dark gaze. It both asked the question _why are you here_...and answered it at the same time. A single glance and both knew what the other wanted. Yet despite this knowledge, neither moved. Kristin felt her muscles coil in anticipation, as if the moment the gate dropped she would spring into motion. She felt more than heard the unspoken volumes between them that were being communicated. Desire pooled low in her core, a comfortable but needy throb. She felt at once friendship, affection, and desire...but overwhelmingly she felt love. Love for the woman who she should never have abandoned years ago, love for the woman who understood her in a way no one else ever could, love for the woman who complimented her in every which way, and love for the woman who loved her in return.

Slowly Idina took a step forward, then another. The two of them were almost nose to nose, separated only by a metal gate that both had forgotten even existed. With every breath, the drumroll of their hearts crescendoed until all that could be head was the pounding of blood coursing through their bodies. It was a call to action, a ceaseless, unyielding, yearning that both were completely helpless against.

Idina pressed the button to open the gate.

The gate opened. All that separated them now was the shared air between them. They seemed to breathe in sync, both inhaling the same breath of air at the same time. One breath, then two.

A beat.

The tension snapped with pure magnetism, and suddenly Idina’s lips were on Kristin’s. She was an unrelenting force of wanting, and Kristin allowed herself to succumb to it. In moments, Kristin found herself backed up against the wall of the elevator, her petite frame completely surrounded by Idina’s larger one. She eagerly slipped her hands beneath Idina’s loose t-shirt, greedily exploring the expanse of skin that she had been missing for so long.

Idina was less finessed. She fumbled with the belt tying Kristin’s coat together for a moment, before impatiently tearing the belt apart and flinging the coat to the floor. Underneath, Kristin was wearing an overlarge NYU t-shirt.

“I’ve been looking for that.” Idina growled in between kisses. It travelled from Kristin’s ear all the way through her body and down to her core.

“Take it back then.” Kristin challenged.

Kristin only caught a devilish glint in Idina’s eyes before her hands were pinned on top of her head. With her other hand, Idina grabbed the hem of the t-shirt and pulled it off Kristin, only letting go of her wrists for a second before grabbing hold of them again.

Kristin shivered involuntarily under Idina’s gaze. She was utterly exposed now, golden skin left completely bare. Kristin looked into Idina’s eyes, expecting to find them blown with lust. And yes, while it was there, her eyes were filled with a tenderness that belied her true feelings.

Tentatively – reverently actually – Idina released Kristin’s wrists so that she could ever so slowly run her hands over Kristin’s body. She started by placing both her hands on Kristin’s waist. Gently, she moved her hands up, teasing with her featherlight touch. She cupped Kristin’s breasts, rubbing the sensitive undersides with her thumbs.

Kristin squirmed impatiently, wordlessly begging Idina to get on with it.

Idina did not acquiesce however, and contentedly teased away. She was pulling lightly at Kristin’s nipples now, causing Kristin to throw her head back in ecstasy.

“D-Dee.” Kristin managed to say through the fog of pleasure.

“Mmm, yes sweetie?” Idina was nibbling at Kristin’s exposed neck now.

“B-bedroom.”

“I’m quite comfortable here.” Idina nonchalantly responded after flicking Kristin’s ear with her tongue.

“I don’t want the first time you make me scream your name to be in the elevator of your apartment!” Kristin cried out in frustration.

Idina regarded her for a moment, before forming that filthy smirk on her face.

“As you wish, my lady.”

And with that, Idina swept Kristin into her arms bridal style and headed towards her bedroom.

Kristin shrieked gleefully, completely awash in her bliss.

“Shh you’re going to wake up Walker and then I’m going to have to explain why your clothes are in the elevator.” Idina whispered lowly.

Kristin opened her mouth to respond, but before she was tossed onto the bed, with Idina’s welcome weight quickly following.

Light shone from the naked window, a cosmopolitan blend of moonlight and light pollution. It casted Idina in a heavenly hue of pale light, drawing out the exquisite contours of her cheekbones. Kristin couldn’t help reaching up with her hands and caressing the face that she hadn’t known she’d been missing. She brushed her thumbs over every inch a seemingly innumerable number of times.  Idina for her part was content to simply allow the contact. Her hands absently drifted back and forth over Kristin’s bare forearms, tracing out lazy patterns.

Kristin wasn’t sure she believed in perfection, but right now in this moment, lying on her back with Idina’s body nestled on top of hers, it was pretty damn close.

“Make love to me.”

The words slipped out of her lips in a whisper, so quiet that it may have been mistaken for a slight rustle of the sheets. But Idina’s beatific smile spoke the volumes of understanding.

Idina pressed her lips against Kristin’s. The kiss was velvet soft, tender and infinitely patient. Their love wasn’t the frantic, desperate clinging of forbidden lovers, not anymore. This was something else, the coming together of two parts finally forming one whole. They weren’t trying to live a life in the span of a few stolen hours anymore. Now, they had an eternity ahead of them, and both were happy to simply luxuriate in it.

Idina pressed several more kisses to Kristin’s lips before kissing her way down the lovely body beneath her. With each kiss, a small red lipstick stain was left behind. When she was done, a trail led from Kristin’s jaw, down her collarbone, between her breasts, all the way down to her stomach. She pressed a final kiss on the edge of Kristin’s pajama shorts before slowly peeling them down toned legs.

Kristin was left in just her panties. The arousal coiled low in her core, yearning to be satisfied.

Idina descended once more so that she was perched just above where Kristin wanted her. She placed one kiss to Kristin’s hip before carefully, ever so carefully, taking the tiny article of clothing covering Kristin between her teeth. Slowly, she made her way down Kristin’s legs, eyes never leaving Kristin’s as she tugged the black cotton panties down. Kristin could only stare into her eyes as Idina flung the scrap of cloth across the room and kissed her ankle. Idina was confident, powerful, and absolutely dominating. The resulting concoction ignited every nerve ending with exquisite lust.

Idina seemed content to take her time, but Kristin would have none of it. She brushed off Idina’s insistent tongue from her calf and draped her ankles across Idina’s neck. Now she was completely, utterly, exposed, left completely bare. Every single disguise was discarded. Here, in this moment, she was simply Kristin, a woman in love with another woman named Idina.

The wordless invitation was all Idina needed. She got on her knees, and with a single heave, Kristin’s thighs were wrapped around her head. Her hands held a firm grip on Kristin’s taut stomach to stop her from slipping. From this angle, Kristin could look right into Idina’s eyes as she pleasured her, fucked her, loved her.

The first swipe of Idina’s tongue on her wet, throbbing core almost brought a keeling moan out of her. Kristin barely suppressed it with a rough bite of her lip. It was slow, and long, and absolutely perfect. The second and third quickly melted together as Kristin quickly lost herself in a haze of pleasure. She felt completely under Idina’s control as her hips never left Idina’s firm grasp. It made her want to scream into the night, to let all of Manhattan know that she was Idina’s.

She settled for reaching up with her hand and grabbing a fistful of Idina’s hair. She needed more. More heat, more contact, more Idina.

The jolt of sensation hit her by storm. She tried not to cry out as Idina licked her clit, but she could not help the stifled moan that escaped her. She was so close now, so fucking close. She tried to press herself further into Idina, to somehow make them one. Then Idina sucked her clit, and she was there.

Pleasure suffused every fibre of her being as she dissolved on Idina’s lips. She felt the flash of heat again, then another time. Vaguely, she was aware that Idina’s name was on her lips, and that she was calling out into the night. Light sparked beneath her eyelids as she came, over and over again on Idina’s tongue.

When finally she was conscious enough to speak, she found herself splayed on the bed, naked and covered in slick sweat. Idina sat crosslegged behind her, looking down with a cocky smirk that Kristin refused to find charming.

“You okay Chenoweth?”

“Did…did I pass out?”

“Only for a minute.”

“Oh. So that’s why you look like you just ate the canary.”

“Actually I ate – ow!” Idina was interrupted by a slap on her thigh.

It was at this moment that Kristin realized that Idina was still fully dressed.

“Dammit how is it that I’m naked and that you’ve still got pants on.”

“Because women can’t resist taking off their clothes around me?”

“Shut up and get naked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses for the dreadful hiatus that this fic took. I mean, okay, I kinda do because I was on vacation for 3 weeks, then moved my life across the Atlantic Ocean and am now working full time but this should definitely have been up sooner. I hope the wait was worth it though.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for some somnophilia kink and graphic sex *coughs*
> 
> Also I wrote this almost purely on mobile so let me know if there are any formatting issues and I can correct it.

Kristin awoke to the scent of citrus, vanilla, and sex. She could barely see anything, but the tickling strands on her cheek and the comforting weight on her body spoke volumes. Idina was draped atop of her, gloriously and unabashedly naked. One of her arms looped under Kristin's, while the other had settled warmly on her side. Kristin blushed when she remembered the series of events that had led to their current state. She remembered burying her nose in dark, soft curls and holding firmly as Idina rode her to quivering oblivion. She remembered Idina's sweat slicked body sliding over hers as they finally collapsed in an entwined embrace.

That was how she woke, her hands holding possessively onto a smooth, marble body. The intoxicating concoction she inhaled was a powerful mixture of sweat and perfume mixing with the notes of arousal still in the air. Kristin breathed it in like air. Sex thrummed throughout the room like electricity, shocking Kristin to her very core. Idina was completely oblivious to this, and the realization somehow made it all the more erotic. Carefully, so as not to wake her, Kristin rolled Idina off her. Idina's breaths remained deep and steady.

In the light of day, Kristin's evening handiwork was perfectly exposed. A trail of marks littered - no, decorated - Idina's nude body. It began with a lipstick mark at her jaw, and was followed by a series of nips that caressed her graceful neck. Kristin was personally quite proud of the innumerable hickeys currently adorning Idina's breasts and stomachs. The crowning achievement however was the bite mark at the space where Idina's shoulder met her neck. It had happened when Idina had stuck her fingers there. Kristin was almost certain it was accompanied by a score of half moon nail markings on Idina's back.

Idina looked ravishing. Kristin couldn't resist flicking her tongue at an erect nipple. She delighted in the way Idina responded to her touch, even unconsciously. Idina for her part didn't stir. Kristin moved her attention downward; her tongue stopped only to dip into Idina's navel. It was deliriously erotic to have Idina so pliant, so helpless.

Kristin buried her nose into dark, aromatic curls. The scent was heady, powerful, and euphoric. It coursed through her body, her veins, her very soul. Every breath tightened her need, although Kristin couldn't quite say what exactly she needed. She needed to taste Idina, for hours, days even, but the coiling ache in her core demanded satisfaction as well. All she could say was that she needed Idina, in every way possible.

With a gentle nudge, Kristin pushed Idina's legs apart. She was greeted by glistening, inviting lips. Kristin marveled at the sight before her, the image of Idina spread wide for her to taste and touch as she pleased.

The first sweeping caress of her tongue on pink flesh almost did her in. She could barely resist the urge to take Idina right there, to fuck her until she could barely beg for mercy. But no, she wanted to take her time, to watch Idina squirm in her sleep, to watch her wake with heavy hooded eyes and beg for more. So she took her time; long, deliciously slow strokes of her tongue were accompanied by playful kisses and nips. One hand drifted to Idina's breasts to casually roll a hard nipple between her fingers. The other hand drifted between her thighs to satisfy her dripping wet desire. With each stroke of her tongue, Idina became slightly more lucid. Her hips began to squirm, and one hand began to squeeze at an unoccupied breast. Precious, quiet moans filled the air like music. Each exhalation made Kristin quicken her pace. She allowed herself to become lost in Idina's unconscious responses: the desperate widening of her thighs, the needy bucking of her hips, and the low, breathy moans filling her ears.

Suddenly Kristin felt a strong hand grab at her hair, and press her harder against Idina's pussy.

"Don't you dare fucking stop." Idina's growl was lower and needier than she'd ever heard it. Kristin could only obey.

Idina didn't let go as Kristin moved with renewed fervor. For Kristin, Idina's need was her own, so desperate was she to bring Idina over the edge. Vaguely, she was aware that among the stream of profanity flowing from Idina's mouth were the reverent murmurings of her name.

And then Idina was there. Strong thighs clamped around Kristin's head as Idina unravelled. Kristin wouldn't, couldn't, stop pulling at the thread. Idina's pleading gasps filled the air, though for what she was begging for Kristin did not know.

"S...stop, f-fuck." Idina managed to utter out, barely loud enough for Kristin to hear.

Kristin took her time to draw it out, slowly decreasing her pace until Idina was moaning softly. Gradually, the iron fisted grip on her head relaxed, and Kristin was able to look into Idina's eyes for the first time this morning. Except she couldn't, because Idina's eyes were closed. It was as if she could only focus on taking regular breaths, as if the visual input would be too much for her.

Kristin languidly crawled up Idina's body, taking pleasure in the drag of her nipples on supple skin and the slick grind of her sex on relaxed muscles. She settled on top of Idina, a perfect reversal of their morning position. She couldn't help wiping back the matted hair from the sweat slick brow and placing a soft kiss there.

"Good morning, baby." Kristin breathed out.

"Fuck Kris. If I came one more time I thought I'd die." Idina's voice was still hoarse from sex and sleep.

"Aw, poor baby."

"Shut up and kiss me already."

So Kristin did. She placed a soft, loving kiss on Idina's lips. Idina took her lips in her own, opening her mouth so that she could dip her tongue into Kristin's. Kristin was content to fuse their lips together, to share the same breath for all eternity.

Unfortunately human biology did not allow for that, but Kristin settled for burying her face in the crook of Idina's neck.

"You taste good." Idina's voice was throaty and full.

"So do you." Kristin couldn't help quirking her lips against Idina's skin.

"Kristi Dawn Chenoweth did you just make an oral joke? You naughty, naughty girl."

"But I'm your naughty girl."

"You bet you - " Idina was interrupted by a sound.

Not just any sound, but knocking. It was not quite the knocking of a full-sized adult, but rather that of a...child.

"Fuck!" Idina whispered. "Kris get in the closet!"

"Dee I'm not hiding in the closet like it's 2004!" Kristin whispered back.   


"You're naked and you've got come on your face. Get in the damn closet." Idina deadpanned.

Kristin had no response to that. Plus, she reasoned that it would probably be best if Walker was not introduced to their relationship quite so...nakedly.

"Fine, but you owe me!"

"I'll wear that thing you really like, now get the hell in the closet before my son walks in!"   


Kristin gave an exasperated huff, and walked her still naked self into Idina's walk in closet. She heard a rustle of fabric shortly after and the opening of a door.   


"Mommy what happened to your neck?"   


Oops.

* * *

  


Idina came to retrieve her half an hour later. Her sheepish look quickly morphed into one of surprise, then arousal. Kristin smiled at the response. While she was waiting, Kristin had decided to help herself to a few articles of clothing, seeing as how hers were scattered on the path from the elevator to the bed. She’d managed to dig up a familiar pale green t-shirt, and was modelling it perfectly on the bed when Idina came in. She’d decided to let it slip off the shoulder, as well as let it ride up on her prone body.

“See something you like?”   


“...Fuck.” Idina muttered. “How am I supposed to let you leave the house when I don’t know if I could get you out of the bedroom?”   


“Well there are plenty of activities we could occupy ourselves with…” Kristin suggested as she allowed a nipple to slip free of the t-shirt.   


“I’m supposed to...to take Walker to the…” Idina mumbled.   


Kristin appreciated the duality of her lover. Often she was adorably shy, but mere moments later would be confident and aggressive. Kristin decided she loved both.   


“Use your words honey." Kristin teased.

"The...the...fuck. The zoo." Idina managed to mumble out.   


Kristin was torn between asking if she could go and maintaining the divide between their personal lives.   


"Do you wanna come?"   


Kristin couldn't help the smile on her face, but still thought she should ask, “Would Walker be okay with that? I don’t want to intrude.”   


“You helped him beat that level of Candy Crush. I’m pretty sure he loves you more than me and Taye combined right now.” Idina joked.   


The silence that followed could have drowned a Hamilton stage door.   


“Sorry.” Idina said quietly.   


“No...it’s okay. We should...talk about him. I mean we’ve been dancing around his name for a while now haven’t we?” Kristin murmured hoarsely. The subject was like reopening an old scab. It wasn’t exactly painful, but rather it brought back memories of the wound that caused it. For Kristin, these wounds were the memories of Idina sneaking out of her bed in the early hours of the morning to go home to him. It was that aching feeling in her chest whenever she’d had to watch Idina and Taye kiss in public that left her bloodied and raw. And she knew that she had no justified reason to have felt that way, and even less reason to still feel that way now. But the biting of her lip and the tensing of her shoulders told her all she needed to know about her feelings on the matter.   


“He’s...well he’s a part of Walker’s life.” Idina began gently.   


“That’s not it.” Kristin responded softly. “Does he know?”   


“No. Well, maybe. Yeah. I never told him, but it had to be obvious.”   


“I...I just hated being your secret. I hated that you went home with him, every night, and that I couldn’t be the one to tell the world how much I loved you, like he did. And then I hated myself for not being able to accept that.” Kristin murmured.   


“Is that why you left?” Idina said. Her voice was kind though, non-judgmental.   


“I dunno. Yeah. Maybe. I couldn’t let myself be who I was with you, not publicly. So I ran.”   


Idina only looked at her sadly. Then Kristin felt herself wrapped in a warm embrace. Idina was crying; Kristin could feel a wet face buried against her neck.   


“I’m so sorry.” Idina whispered.   


“Why?”   


“I blamed you for so long, I hated you for leaving and hurting me so bad. But I never cared about how hard it was for you.”   


“Stop. Don’t apologize, please. We screwed it all up, both of us.”   


“Fine I’ll stop when you stop being so goddamn noble.”   


“Only if you promise to -”   


“Oh my god would you just shut up so we can have make up sex or whatever?”   


Kristin pulled back from the embrace to look at Idina’s grinning, still tear damp face. And in a moment, it was okay.   


“You’re just trying to get in my pants.”   


“You’re not wearing any.”   


“Touché”   


“French? Hot.”   


“Ugh, it’s like I’m sleeping with a high schooler.”   


“Should I break out the cheerleading outfit?”   


“You weren’t a cheerleader.”   


“I could wear yours.”   


“...Hot.”

* * *

Escaping the apartment had been more difficult than Kristin had expected. After a quick shower together (so that Walker won't get suspicious about who's using the shower Idina explained cheekily) Kristin had stolen a pair of panties and a bra from Idina. After Kristin had dressed in her stolen attire, Idina had set about occupying Walker's time.

An hour later, after breakfast, cartoons, playtime, and more cartoons, Idina was finally able to cajole her son into taking a bath. During that time Kristin went about the apartment. She retrieved her coat from the elevator, plucked her panties from the corner of Idina's bedroom, and removed her bra from the ceiling fan. Gathering her clothes, she absently shoved them into a corner of Idina's closet.   


She took the time to wander about Idina's home. She wasn't inquisitive, but rather simply curious. There were some items that she recognized: Idina's Tony, almost sheepishly tucked away in the corner of the den, the old brown sofa where she'd once drunkenly collapsed on Idina, the candid photo of the two of them together during rehearsal, set among dozens of others. It wasn't the largest photo, or the brightest, but it was presented in a way such that one couldn't help but notice it. Perhaps it was the contrast, or the framing. Or maybe it was their radiant smiles, back when they believed everything was possible. She realized that this must've been the photo Walker had referred to when they'd been introduced.   


But for every item she recognized there were a dozen more that she didn't. There were photos of people she didn't know, souvenirs and trinkets that she knew must be of some sentimental value.   


Briefly she allowed herself to place herself in those photos. Would they have been happy? Perhaps they could have ran away together, just as Idina had once whispered in her ear. Or they would have been torn to shreds by the media machine, like Kristin had feared. And then there was Walker, that beautiful baby boy that she somehow loved already. He wouldn't be there.   


Just then, Idina walked out with a freshly dressed Walker. He looked adorable with his dinosaur t-shirt and cargo shorts. Despite the overcast weather Idina had insisted on slapping sunscreen and a hat on him, much to Walker's dissatisfaction. Kristin couldn't help the beaming smile on her face. She couldn't stop it when a loving thumb brushed over her hand. It was almost painful by the time Walker 'formally' invited her to the zoo with him.   


Perhaps they would have been happy if she'd stayed. But it wouldn't be this moment, this life. As she stepped into the elevator, one arm looped with the arm of the woman she had always loved, she decided to begin living again.   


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the horrendous wait. Work is killing me :(
> 
> Nevertheless, I managed to get this chapter out. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> As always, kudos to voidstuff for relentlessly needling me to write. You should do the same to her.


End file.
